By Lorna Tan
Head, Financial Planning Literacy
If you’ve only got a minute:
- Discussing and aligning financial goals early as a couple can contribute to a healthier and more secure future together.
- Finding out my partner’s money habits early and that of his family allowed me to identify "deal breakers" before the emotional investment makes a breakup too painful.
- Have empathy when starting the money talk with your partner and aim to understand each other’s money habits, financial situation and aspirations.
This article was first published in The Business Times.
Money issues seldom feature prominently in couple conversations until much later when they are facing bigger decisions like buying a flat. This can potentially lead to disastrous results. After all, to find out only at this stage that your partner is not financially compatible with you is a bitter pill to swallow.
The last time I checked, I’ve been married 37 years. I still find it amusing that one of the first questions my 20-year-old self posed to my boyfriend (now hubby) when he asked me out, was: “What’s your monthly pay?”
Without missing a beat, he divided his annual package of monthly pay and bonuses by 12 months which resulted in a higher amount – something I didn’t realise till much later.
With my humble upbringing and having seen up close how desperate cash strapped individuals can get, I resolved from a young age to always have the upper hand when it comes to finances. As such, financial stability ranked high in my checklist for a life partner.
I also managed his expectations when we were dating, that I would continue to have my own bank account after we married, for ease of achieving my personal saving goals. In addition to being my parents’ retirement plan, I had to support my younger brother who was pursuing a law degree.
Furthermore, finding out his money habits early and that of his family allowed me to identify "deal breakers" before the emotional investment makes a breakup too painful.
There are other advantages in starting the money talk early. For instance, it’s much easier to talk about money when there isn’t a massive bill staring at you in the face.
Money talk starting earlier for young couples
It heartening to note that shifting social norms suggest that financial openness is being viewed favourably by Gen Z and Millennial couples. Financial green flags such as having a savings goal or understanding credit are viewed as equally important to emotional compatibility.
This is a welcome change from older generations who tend to view finances as something private.
A June 2024 survey by financial planning platform Monarch Money which polled 1,000 Americans, indicated that Gen Z is three times more likely than older generations to share their income early in the dating process. About 24 per cent of Gen Z men are willing to discuss their income on the first date, compared to only 8 per cent of men overall; 29% of Gen Z believe the best time to discuss finances is after just three dates, compared to 28% of Baby Boomers who prefer to wait at least three months.
Some 14 per cent of baby boomer women prefer to wait until they are engaged before having a serious financial talk. Thirty-three per cent of Gen Z believes in discussing financial goals weekly, a sentiment that drops to just 14 per cent among baby boomers.
The same survey showed that couples are increasingly prioritising positive money habits and transparency over the size of their pay cheques.
A 2025 HSBC Britain study found that 84% of Millennials believe financial compatibility is the single most important factor in a relationship.
With rising cost of living, couples here are increasingly aware that starting early to prioritise financial transparency is a requirement for building trust and a sustainable partnership.
Surveys indicated that seven in 10 Singaporeans believe couples should be completely transparent about their finances. But the reality as highlighted by a 2024 MoneySmart poll is far from ideal. It showed that 32 per cent of Singaporeans find it difficult to discuss finances with their partners.
Often, the BTO or housing journey is the first serious money talk, followed by the wedding budget.
The money date agenda
Starting early on the money conversation need not be overwhelming. It’s best to pick a neutral and comfortable venue like a park or a café. The timing is also importance so avoid discussing about money while paying bills or after a long workday. One way to broach the topic is to share stories and experiences before moving into current money habits.
Use non-confrontational questions like “I’m planning to pay up my study loan in three years…Do you have any money goals?” or “Are you more of a saver or a spender? What do you usually splurge on?” End the discussion with a fun activity to transition back into “date mode”.
Remember that we all have our personal money story. Your upbringing and experiences shape how you save, spend and invest money. So, have empathy when starting the money talk with your partner and aim to understand each other’s money habits, financial situation and aspirations.
Financial roadmap
Discussing financial goals as a couple can strengthen your relationship and help ensure you are on the same page. Whether it's saving for a dream vacation, buying a home, or planning for kids’ education and your retirement, aligning financial goals early can contribute to a healthier and more secure future together.
Here’s a financial roadmap for couples to navigate potential disagreements.
- Set financial goals. When a couple has clearly stated goals, they can avoid unnecessary impulsive expenditure that may add stress in the relationship. Having common goals will help you proceed as a team and set the parameters for financial support for parents, household budget, insurance protection and a comprehensive financial plan to achieve objectives.
The power of 2 is not to be sniffed at because having dual income streams can lead to a faster rate of wealth accumulation - through big ticket purchases such as home ownership and joint investments - and enhanced financial being. - Managing household bills. There is no one solution that fits all households. For a start, think about which expenses you want to keep separate and which you want to share.
Instead of a single joint account which makes it difficult to track individual savings and spend, some couples adopt the approach of a joint account while retaining their separate individual accounts. They each set aside a specified amount monthly - which can be proportional to their income - into the joint account and use this account to pay expenses like household bills. Meanwhile, they use their individual accounts to fund their own spending.
One advantage to this method is that each person retains some degree of personal space and financial autonomy. - Avoid false sense of financial security (for DINKs). Be clear if you do not wish to have children. Studies have indicated that couples who have "dual income, no kids", or DINKs, tend to put retirement planning on the back burner until they are in their 40s compared to couples with children who usually start thinking about retirement in their 20s or 30s.
DINKs may be led into a false sense of financial security since both work and earn an income and as such, often perceive that they would enjoy greater financial freedom and more disposable income for travel, luxury, or savings. However, this also leads DINKs to lag couples with kids when it comes to retirement planning.
Money is often cited as a top stressor in relationships, but it doesn’t have to be. At the same time, financial harmony doesn’t mean you have to agree on everything. So, focus on the life you are building together and keep the conversation going.
